Building Relationship Rapport: Reynolds' Rapport Matrix (2003)
What is Building Relationship Rapport?
Building rapport is like making friends. It is about creating a connection with
someone, so they feel comfortable and trust you. This is very important in
negotiations or any situation where you need to work with someone else. Reynolds'
Rapport Matrix helps us understand different levels of rapport.
Reynolds' Rapport Matrix helps us understand the dynamics of interaction and how
they impact rapport. It is important to note that this is a model, and real-life
interactions are often more complex.
1. Pushover (Low Respect, Low Incentive to Participate):
The other person does not respect you and does not see any reason to work
with you.
Detailed Explanation:
In this quadrant, there is a lack of both respect and incentive to
participate. The other person views you as someone they can easily
manipulate or ignore. They see no value in engaging with you, and
they do not respect your opinions or contributions. This leads to a very
weak or non-existent rapport. For example, if you consistently fail to
deliver on your promises or if you are perceived as incompetent, you
might find yourself in this quadrant. People will avoid working with you,
and they will not take you seriously. Building rapport from this position
requires a significant shift in behaviour. You need to demonstrate
competence, reliability, and respect for others. It involves rebuilding
trust and showing that you can provide value. This quadrant is the
worst place to be during a negotiation, as you will have very little to no
leverage.
2. Respect (High Respect, Low Incentive to Participate):
The other person respects you, but they do not see any reason to work with
you.
Detailed Explanation:
In this quadrant, you have the other person's respect, but they do not
see a compelling reason to participate or collaborate with you. They
might acknowledge your expertise or competence, but they do not see
how working with you will benefit them. For example, you might be a
highly respected expert in your field, but if you are not offering anything
that aligns with the other person's goals, they might not be motivated to
engage. Building rapport in this quadrant requires you to identify and
highlight the mutual benefits of collaboration. You need to show how
working together will help them achieve their objectives. It is about
finding common ground and demonstrating the value you bring to the
table. While respect is good, it is not enough to build a working
relationship.
3. No Incentive to Participate (Low Respect, High Incentive to Participate):
The other person sees a reason to work with you, but they do not respect you.
Detailed Explanation:
In this quadrant, the other person sees a strong incentive to participate,
but they do not respect you. They might see you as a means to an end,
but they don't value your opinions or contributions. For example, you
might have access to resources or information that the other person
needs, but they do not trust you or respect your judgment. This can
lead to a transactional relationship where the other person only
engages with you when they need something. Building rapport in this
quadrant requires you to earn their respect by demonstrating
competence, integrity, and reliability. You need to show that you are
not just a means to an end, but a valuable partner. Incentive is good,
but without respect it will not last.
4. Begrudging Movement (High Respect, High Incentive to Participate):
The other person respects you and sees a reason to work with you, so they
are willing to move forward, even if it is not perfect.
Detailed Explanation:
In this quadrant, there is a high level of both respect and incentive to
participate. The other person sees value in working with you, and they
respect your opinions and contributions. This leads to a strong rapport
and a collaborative relationship. For example, you might be working on
a project with a colleague who respects your expertise and sees how
your contributions are essential to the project's success. This is the
ideal quadrant for building rapport and achieving mutually beneficial
outcomes. It is about creating a partnership where both parties feel
valued and motivated to work together. This is the best place to be in a
negotiation, as it leads to the best outcomes.
Observing Body Language in Negotiation
What is Observing Body Language in Negotiation?
When we talk to someone, we use words, but we also use our voice and our body.
Observing body language in negotiation means paying close attention to these non
verbal cues to understand what the other person is really thinking and feeling, even if
they do not say it.
Basic Elements in Any Face-to-Face Encounter:
1. Words/Verbal (What is Said):
The actual words the person uses.
Detailed Explanation:
This refers to the literal content of the spoken words. It is what the
person is consciously communicating. In a negotiation, this includes
the offers, counteroffers, and statements made. However, words alone
can be misleading. People can choose their words carefully to hide
their true intentions. That is why it is crucial to look at the other
elements. For example, a person may verbally agree to a deal, but
their tone of voice and body language might suggest otherwise. Paying
close attention to the specific word choice, and the context of the words
can provide clues to the person's true feelings.
2. Tone of Voice/Vocal (How it is Said):
The way the person's voice sounds, like if they are happy, sad, or angry.
Detailed Explanation:
This refers to the vocal cues that accompany the words, such as tone,
pitch, volume, and pace. Tone of voice can convey emotions and
attitudes that are not explicitly stated. For example, a hesitant tone
might indicate uncertainty, while a raised voice might indicate anger or
frustration. Changes in pitch or volume can also signal shifts in
emotions or levels of confidence. It is very important to pay attention to
pauses, and the speed of speech. These can also show hesitation, or
confidence. For example, a very fast speaking person, may be
nervous, or trying to hide something. The tone of voice can reveal a lot
about the person's true feelings, and it can contradict the verbal
message.
3. Non-Verbal Behaviour/Visual (What is Shown):
The person's body movements, facial expressions, and eye contact.
Detailed Explanation:
This refers to the visual cues that accompany the words and tone of
voice, such as facial expressions, eye contact, posture, gestures, and
body movements. Non-verbal behaviour can provide valuable insights
into a person's emotions, intentions, and attitudes. For example,
crossed arms might indicate defensiveness, while leaning forward
might indicate interest. Eye contact can signal attentiveness or
confidence, while avoiding eye contact might indicate discomfort or
deception. Facial expressions, such as smiles, frowns, or raised
eyebrows, can convey a wide range of emotions. It is important to
consider the context of the situation and the individual's cultural
background when interpreting non-verbal behaviour. Because different
cultures have different meanings for body language. It is important to
observe these cues in clusters, rather than isolating individual
behaviours. This will lead to a more accurate understanding of the
other person's communication.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)?
Imagine your brain is like a computer, and your experiences are like programs
running on it. NLP is like learning to understand and change those programs to make
your life better. It looks at how we use our senses (seeing, hearing, feeling) and
language to create our experiences.
The VAK Model:
The VAK model suggests that people have preferred ways of processing information:
Visual: People who prefer to see information.
Auditory: People who prefer to hear information.
Kinaesthetic: People who prefer to feel or experience information.
Studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
1. Visual (Seeing):
People who learn best by seeing pictures, diagrams, and demonstrations.
Detailed Explanation:
Visual people process information primarily through sight. They tend to
think in pictures and learn best by seeing things. They often use
phrases like, "I see what you mean," or "That looks good." In a
negotiation, a visual person might be more receptive to presentations
with charts, graphs, and visual aids. They might also pay close
attention to the other person's body language and facial expressions.
When explaining something to a visual person, it is helpful to use
descriptive language that paints a picture in their mind. For example,
instead of saying, "The project is complex," you might say, "Imagine a
complex network of interconnected lines, each representing a different
task." They often remember faces, and places, very well. They may
also be very sensitive to the visual aspects of their environment, such
as lighting and colour.
2. Auditory (Hearing):
People who learn best by listening to lectures, discussions, and explanations.
Detailed Explanation:
Auditory people process information primarily through hearing. They
tend to think in sounds and learn best by listening to lectures,
discussions, and explanations. They often use phrases like, "I hear
you," or "That sounds good." In a negotiation, an auditory person might
be more receptive to verbal explanations and discussions. They might
also pay close attention to the other person's tone of voice and choice
of words. When explaining something to an auditory person, it is helpful
to use clear and concise language and to emphasize key points. For
example, you might say, "Let me explain this step-by-step," or "Listen
carefully to this important detail." They are often good listeners, and
may have a good sense of rhythm, and musicality. They may also find
it easy to remember names, and phone numbers.
3. Kinaesthetic (Feeling):
People who learn best by doing things, touching things, and experiencing
things physically.
Detailed Explanation:
Kinaesthetic people process information primarily through feeling and
movement. They tend to think in sensations and learn best by doing
things, touching things, and experiencing things physically. They often
use phrases like, "I feel that" or "That feels right." In a negotiation, a
kinaesthetic person might be more receptive to hands-on activities,
role-playing, and demonstrations. They might also pay close attention
to the physical environment, such as the temperature and comfort of
the room. When explaining something to a kinaesthetic person, it is
helpful to use physical demonstrations and to encourage them to
participate actively. For example, you might say, "Let us try this out," or
"Imagine the feeling of success." They often learn by doing, and may
enjoy physical activities, and hands on work. They may also have a
good sense of balance, and coordination.
Interpreting Eye Accessing Cues
What is Eye Accessing Cues?
Imagine your eyes are like little windows to your brain. When you are thinking about
different things, your eyes tend to move in certain directions. These eye movements
can give clues about how you are accessing information—whether you are picturing
something, remembering a sound, or feeling something.
Important Note: Eye accessing cues are a part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
(NLP) and are not universally accepted as scientifically proven. They are considered
a model that can be helpful, but not always accurate. Also, remember that people
can learn to manipulate their eye movements.
1. Visual Creation (Vc):
Looking up and to your right; imagining something you have never seen
before.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move up and to their right, it often indicates they
are constructing a visual image. They are creating a picture in their
mind's eye that they have not seen before. This could be anything from
imagining a new design to visualizing a future scenario. For example, if
you ask someone, "What would a purple elephant with yellow spots
look like?" and they look up and to their right, they are likely creating
that image in their mind. In a negotiation, this might happen when
someone is brainstorming new ideas or visualizing potential outcomes.
It is like their brain is building a new picture from scratch.
2. Auditory Creation (Ac):
Looking to your right at ear level; imagining a sound you have never heard
before.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move horizontally to their right, it often indicates
they are constructing a sound. They are creating an auditory
experience in their mind that they have not heard before. This could be
imagining a new melody, a unique sound effect, or a hypothetical
conversation. For example, if you ask someone, "What would a cat
meowing underwater sound like?" and they look to their right at ear
level, they are likely creating that sound in their mind. In a negotiation,
this might happen when someone is considering different ways to
phrase a statement or imagining the sound of a counteroffer. It is like
creating a brand-new sound.
3. Kinaesthetic (Feelings) (K):
Looking down and to your right; accessing feelings or physical sensations.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move down and to their right, it often indicates
they are accessing feelings or physical sensations. They are
connecting with their emotions or internal sensations. This could be
remembering the feeling of happiness, sadness, or pain, or accessing
a physical sensation like the feeling of cold or warmth. For example, if
you ask someone, "How did you feel when you won the award?" and
they look down and to their right, they are likely accessing those
feelings. In a negotiation, this might happen when someone is
considering how a particular outcome would make them feel or
assessing their gut instinct.
4. Visual Remembered (Vr):
Looking up and to your left; remembering something you have seen before.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move up and to their left, it often indicates they
are recalling a visual memory. They are accessing a picture in their
mind that they have seen before. This could be remembering a face, a
place, or an event. For example, if you ask someone, "What colour was
your childhood home?" and they look up and to their left, they are likely
remembering that image. In a negotiation, this might happen when
someone is recalling a previous agreement or referencing a document.
It is like pulling up a saved picture in your brain.
5. Auditory Remembered (Ar):
Looking to your left at ear level; remembering a sound you have heard before.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move horizontally to their left, it often indicates
they are recalling an auditory memory. They are accessing a sound in
their mind that they have heard before. This could be remembering a
voice, a song, or a conversation. For example, if you ask someone,
"What did your friend say when you last talked?" and they look to their
left at ear level, they are likely remembering that sound. In a
negotiation, this might happen when someone is recalling a previous
conversation or remembering a specific phrase. It is retrieving a stored
sound.
6. Internal Dialogue (Ad):
Looking down and to your left; talking to yourself in your head.
Detailed Explanation:
When a person's eyes move down and to their left, it often indicates
they are engaging in internal dialogue. They are having a conversation
with themselves in their mind. This could be thinking through a
problem, planning a strategy, or rehearsing a speech. For example, if
you ask someone, "What are you thinking about the most right now?"
and they look down and to their left, they are likely having an internal
conversation. In a negotiation, this might happen when someone is
considering their next move or evaluating their options. It is like having
a private conversation with yourself.
